| Duncs | Bruce | Helene | Ed | |
| Buffy | S.1 absolutely 'til it fell off. S.2/3/4 still definately a shag just not shagtastic-orama | Shag. It'd be worth the bruising. But not the whining. | Bijou, blonde, cute - she could almost be me. I�d have her, and I�d bite her bottom lip for good measure | Shag |
| Willow | S.1/2 shag but just for cuteness factor. Not the Krypton Factor. S.3 often and vigorously. S.4 HOORAY I LOVE WILLOW SHAG SHAG SHAG SHAG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | Tenderly make love. You couldn't shag Willow, you'd have to make love. A whole lotta love, to be precise. | Big fat sarcastic apologies, but I can�t stand her. She�s got no tits and she is a stuttering affrontery to me. Take her hence and have her killed. | Shag |
| Oz | Snog Points off for actually getting to shag Willow | Shag. He'd be wearing a collar whether he's wolfed or not. | Maybe a snog if he flatters me enough | Kill |
| Giles | Snog | Snog | I cannot BELIEVE how much I lust after this man. Have him oiled, Viagra-ed and sent to my room. NOW. | Snog |
| Angel | Stake through the heart | Buffy Angel:Kill...Angelus:Shag...Angel the Series Angel:Shag | I�ve been having naughty ideas about him. A grope may suffice. | Shag |
| Spike | Shag especially in leather trousers | Shag until I had difficulty walking | I struggle to put my lust into words. See that naughty look at the end of �Pangs�? See him topless in �Harsh light of Day�? Grrrr. | Shag |
| Jenny | Shag, perhaps on my lap-top | Shag-o-rama. With Surround Shag and Dolby Shag Anti-Reduction | Kill Kill Kill. Giles-touching Bitch | Shag |
| Xander | Oh Shag-city. He's got everything really. Gorgeous, fit bod and funny as fuck. Count me in. | Snog in the Stacks in Revelations | A late-night teenage backseat grope at Make-out point, developing into sleepy, not quite aware sex as dawn breaks. | Shag |
| Cordelia | Snog to kiss the mouth which issues such bile and inspired bitchyness. Oh and maybe a shag too. It would rude not to while you were there. | Shag on top of huge pile of clothes I've just bought her. | Kill, then graft her midriff onto mine. Does the girl not eat? | Definite Shag |
| Faith | Well, you've got to really (see above for Spike) | Dirty High-Octane Shag. It'd probably kill me, but can you think of a better way to go? | Rip out her larynx, mock her inability to taunt me with smart comments, and shove a spike (not Spike - I�m having his babies) up her arse. | Shag |
| Wesley | Kill and destroy all those fucking coloured shirts with the white collar. | Kill | Need I comment? | Kill |
| Riley | Kill. Torture. Maim. With the help of Angelus. Perhaps I might scrape off his corneas with a ball-point pen. | Snog when he's all cute trying to talk to Buffy in the Initiative. Kill very slowly and painfully when he fucks up all the good lines Joss gives him. | Bleurgh. | Kill |
| Parker | I know he's a bastard but he's still a shag. And you know he'd be good at it. | Drag him outside and shoot him in the bollocks. Slowly. With rusty bullets. | Fantasy boy in sixth form. | Kill |
| Anya | Shag especially in the bunny-suit. (I know, I have severe emotional problems and have trouble replicating human behavior) | Shag | Don�t give a toss. | Shag |
| Evil Willow | Do I REALLY have to tell you? | I am the Evil Willow Ubershaggenfuhrer | I retract my previous statement. Stake the bitch - she�s still Willow, and her catsuit probably smells | Shag |
| Drusilla | Kill | Shag. I'd have to chain her up. For my own safety, of course. | Lead me on to vampyric lesbianism - oooooh yes! | Snog |
| Larry | Snog | Shag. I bet he likes it rough | Rest his head �gainst my bosom then send the wee lamb to counselling | Don't know him |
| Tara | Don't even know what she looks like but if she gets her grubbly paws on my Willow..... | Likewise, never seen her. If she hurts Willow, they'll have to double the size of the Oxford English Dictionary with all the new words they'll have to invent for what I'll do to her. | Never seen her. Plus she fancies Willow - a big downer. | |
| Random Shag | If you're offering. | Gwendolyn Post. | Ethan Rayne. (Berloke just put that naughty thought in my head). | |
| Random Snog | Jonathon He's so cuddly | Harmony. She�s blossomed since Adams Family Values, ok? | ||
| Random Kill | Harmony. Irritating voiced bubblehead bitca. Get your hands off my Spike. | Mr Trick. | ||
| Threesome with? | Willow and Xander | Evil Willow and Spike: How Filthy would that be? | Giles and Spike of course. Don�t you people KNOW me? | Cordelia and Buffy |
| Non-Buffy Threesome with? | Ralph Fiennes and Cate Blanchett | 1966 Raquel Welch and Darcy Bussel | Jeremy Northam and Anthony Stewart Head and James Marsters. (Now that's neither a threesome nor non-Buffy, but who cares? -Berloke) | Britney Spears and Jennifer Lopez |